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How Captain America: The Winter Soldier Should Have Ended
Coming Soon TBA Transcript Steve: Captain Ball! (lands on rooftop) We begin with Cap facing Winter Soldier on the roof. Steve: Shield! Steve throws the shield at Winter Soldier, who just turns around and catches it. Winter Soldier: Thanks for the shield. Steve: (Gasp!) Winter Soldier: I'm keeping this. Steve: Give it! Winter Soldier: (running off the rooftop) Woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop! Cue title. We then get shown how the heroes are gonna destroy the Helicarriers. Maria Hill: Here's the plan. You two with deftly infiltrate the glass fishbowl on the bottom of the heavily armed carriers, then sneakily insert these delicate little chips into exactly the right slot in huge racks of other tiny delicate computer chips. Got it? Steve: I'm confused. If the point is to destroy the carriers, why are we going through all this trouble? Shouldn't we just call The Hulk or something? Sam: Yeah, didn't he, like, rip one to pieces already? Nick Fury: No, we make this work with just us. We're all we've got. Steve: I'm okay with calling The Hulk up, really. Sam: Yeah, maybe get Iron Man up here with a Tank Missile or something. Nick Fury: It's just us. Steve: It's really no trouble. He just texted back. "ON HULK WAY!!! LOOKING FOR MOTORCYCLE!!!". Nick Fury: I SAID WE AREN'T CALLING IN THE AVENGERS! Steve: Fine! Cut to Hulk on a motorcycle, heading to Steve's location, but gets another text. Steve's Text: Nevermind. We got this. sry :( Hulk: Hulk saaaaaaaaaaaaad! Cut back to the heroes. Steve: Well, this plan sounds extremely dangerous. What else can we do? Natasha: Uh, I have this cool disguisomesh technology that completely changes my appearance. Will that help? Nick Fury: YOU HAVE (Steve, Maria, and Sam join in) WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! Steve: You had that this whole time?! Natasha: Yeah, why? Nick Fury: We've been hiding for our lives, woman! Steve: Okay, new plan. Cut to them tying up Pierce, just as Steve disguises himself as Pierce. Pierce: And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you sneaky kids and your disguisomesh! Steve: (contacting everyone in The Triskellion) This is Director Pierce. Uh, we are aborting the launch. Please stop all protocols and start dismantling the Helicarriers. And if you're HYDRA, report to Room 41 and don't bring your weapons. Thanks. Hail HYDRA. The Helicarriers are shut down. Cut to later in The Super Cafe. Superman: So you saved the day? Captain America: Yeah, we did! Batman: Yeah, none of us were really worried for you. Black Widow: Excuse me? Fury almost died. Batman: Yeah, and then he didn't. I'm sensing a pattern here. Coulson, Stark, Loki. You thought they were gone and then they weren't. You should be care with that. Captain America: Be careful coming back to life? What does that even mean? Black Widow: Didn't you fake your own death? Batman: Well, sure but I can get away with that sort of thing. Superman: Do NOT ask him why! Batman: (whispering in Natasha's ear) Because I'm Batman. Superman: (sighs) He has a point, though. You keep dying and bringing people back to life, nobody will accept it if one of you actually gets killed someday. Captain America: Heh, none of us are gonna die! That's silly talk. Batman: Okay, well, we'll see. Superman: So what's next? Captain America: Just cleaning up the rest of HYDRA. Falcon offered to take care of it. Cut to Falcon standing behind Rumlow. Falcon: Hail HYDRA. Rumlow: Hail HYDRA. Falcon: (grabs Rumlow) PSYCHE! I got you, sucka! (takes off with Rumlow) Cut back to The Super Cafe. Captain America: Me? I'm just gonna take it easy for a while. Black Widow: (interested) Go on some dates? Captain America: What is your deal with my love life? No, I'm gonna go find my friend, Bucky, and convince him he's not evil so we can be totes besties. Batman: Uh, "totes besties"? Captain America: Yeah. Stark told me that's how you refer to best friends now. Superman: Yeah, cross that off your to-do list. Speaking of Bucky, I have a question for you, Cap. Captain America: Shoot. Superman: Remember that one time on the roof ♪when Captain America threw his mighty shield♪? Captain America: (sighs) Really? You're bringing up my old theme song again? Batman: Yes, I've heard of that. ♪All those who choose to oppose his shield must yield!♪ Superman: Well, did Winter Soldier yield when you threw your mighty shield? Captain America: No. Superman: What did he do? Captain America: Caught it with his super arm. Superman: ♪Soooooooooo unless you're a plane!♪ Batman: ♪Or a bomb!♪ Superman: ♪Or some ice!♪ Batman: ♪Or a brainwashed buddy with a robotic arm!♪ Captain America: Doesn't even rhyme. Superman & Batman: ♪Then you don't necessarily have to yiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeld!♪ (they laugh) Black Widow: You guys are weird. Captain America: Well, this has been great. If you'll excuse me, I need to start looking for Bucky. Hulk busts in, carrying Bucky in one hand. Hulk: Hulk find him! Winter Soldier: Let me go! Hulk: (smashing Bucky just like he smashed Loki) Not the villain! Not the villain! Not the villain! The end. YouTube outro. Tony appears at the birthday party of Pierce's niece. Tony: Hey, kid. Sorry your uncle turn out to be a terrorist but a birthday promise is a birthday promise! Pierce's Niece: Who are you? Tony: I'm Iron Man. Pierce's Niece: You're not Iron Man! Tony: Am too! Pierce's Niece: Are not! Tony: Am too! Pierce's Niece: Then where's your suit? Tony: (offended) JARVIS, I'm leaving. JARVIS: You have to mingle, sir. Tony: Then I'm having some cake. Pierce's Niece: Cake Missile! *SPLAT!* Category:Episodes